Write a Letter

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Pick Me Up!!
Time Commitment: 1 hour

Ok! So, I'm taking advice that I've gotten from my Mom a million times, and I'm sharing it with YOU (because it works...sigh)!  Today, I am working with Worry.  To me, Worry is about control.  Worry is trying to control a situation with our minds without actually doing anything about it.  Some situations don't directly involve us and we cannot make choices for other people, so we Worry, thinking thats all we can do.  Here is something we can do to resolve that Worry.

Procedure:  We are going to write a letter to the person/people we are worried about.  This is not about putting pressure on yourself to write something incredibly inspiring.  This process is about being honest with, and taking care of yourself. 
*There is no requirement saying you even have to send this very personal letter*

Feel free to do a "brainstorm" first.  Write phrases, thoughts, ideas, and feelings down as they relate to your Worry.  Use these to guide your letter.  Beware of tangents by coming back to your feelings in regards to the matter.  Your own feelings, no one else's.  Be honest.  Note how you are feeling in your body, as well as emotion-wise.  (My hands were trembling as I wrote my letter...)

If you are planning on sending your letter, read and re-read the finished product-- how would YOU feel if someone wrote this letter to you?  If your answer is in the ballpark of "judged" or "offended," you may not want to send it.  This is perfectly fine as well, because venting in a letter and not sending it is just as helpful!!!
(and, yes, that is a picture of a "Howler" message from Harry Potter)

When finished writing, let your Worry release.  It is all written down for you to come back to if you choose.  Let that Worry live on the paper; it has a new home, and doesn't need to reside in your body and brain anymore.

Why this is wonderful:  This is a good way to externalize your feelings in word-form.  Externalizing is getting it out!  The process helps to dislodge this Worry and keep it from affecting you in an unhealthy way.  Obviously, it will still affect you in some ways because you CARE :) but it is not your burden to carry. 
Also, if you decide to send your letter, the authenticity and vulnerability you displayed within may just open new, deeper avenues of communication with the person/people you send it to.

PS.  Mine goes out with the mail tomorrow.  Fingers crossed. <3

Postcard Project, Pt. 1

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Pick Me Up
Time Commitment: 5 min, here and there till finish

This project was originally created by my friend/classmate, Kathi.  It involves reaching out to people who have been special to you at different times in your past--through life's highs and lows.  Ultimately, she sent these special people a letter acknowledging their influence on her life, as well as a prompt for them to decorate a self-addressed and stamped blank postcard (included in the envelope with the letter) to be sent back to her.  Kathi's version involved exploring and expanding what "family" means. 

Her process throughout this project was so inspiring that I wanted to try it myself!  My own version explores "friendship" in a similar way.

Procedure:  I set up a very organized, step-by-step procedure for myself, which I completed with 5 minutes here and 5 minutes there, so I did not get overwhelmed!
   1. Gather/buy materials: stamps, blank postcards, envelopes ("invitation" size worked nicely for me)
   2. Compile list of friends you would like to include.  This could be a short list or a long list, depending on how much work you can put into the project.  I picked 12 particularly special people.
   3. Gather addresses for your list.  Private Facebook messages worked well for this step.
   4. Type a (single) letter that will go to every person on your list.  Include: explanation of project, why you chose these people, prompt for postcard decorating, and what you will use their responses for. 
First, I chose not to make individual letters for each person because I thought it might skew their responses.  I wanted to see how each person would react uniquely to the exact same letter.  I did, however, explain this detail in my writing, just to acknowledge this seemingly impersonal aspect.  Second, my prompt was: "What does friendship mean to you?"  I made sure to explain that whatever "answer" the person came up with was perfect and correct.  I encouraged creativity, noting the "answer" could involve words, shapes, colors, etc.  Last, I let my friends know that I will be writing blog posts about this project and they should let me know if they would not like their postcard to be featured.
  5.  Self-address and stamp enough blank postcards for your list
  6.  Stamp envelopes and write friend's addresses.  During this step, I encourage you to think about each person.  What memories come to mind?  Happy ones?  Sad?  You may not have talked to this person in awhile.  Notice the vulnerability that comes up around reaching out to others.  Especially other people that are important to you.  Reaching out is hard to do sometimes, but the possibility of the person reaching back can be incredibly rewarding.
  7.  Place a letter and postcard into each envelope, and mail them off with a sense of hope and pride :)

Why this is wonderful:  It attends to your brain!  The process of this project stirs up old feelings and memories, and hopefully a few smiles.  For me, it was helpful to realize how many people I really do want to keep in touch with--how many special people I have met in my life.  Although I did not include every single person who has touched my life, this process definitely reminded me to be thankful for what I have and what I have had in the past.  It is also another lesson in patience; we do all this work to get the letters in the mail, then....we wait.  (But, that's a story for Pt.2)

Date night- with yourself!

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Pick Me Up/Overhaul
Time Commitment: a few hours to 1 evening

I was planning to write a magnificent post about finding empowerment in taking yourself out to do things--being your own date.  I find it refreshing to be able to take myself to lunch, only bringing a book along if needed.  Or, I like to carry a sketchbook to a coffee shop and be in my world, not worrying about everyone else.  Or, many other things that get me out of the house.

I said I was planning because I am not going to go into detail about this, instead I recommend that you watch the following clip from youtube (about 5 min long).  My roommate, Hannah Brann, showed this clip to me and it's truly magical.  It says everything I wanted to write, so please, enjoy (and share)!

<link to video, in case the above won't play>

Why this is wonderful:  This encourages you to cultivate the relationship you have with yourself.  It allows you to sit with possible uncomfortable, awkward feelings, and realize those feelings are okay and entirely human.  The video holds such a gentleness around the importance of being alone sometimes.  It certainly doesn't negate the importance of relationships.  In my own experience, I believe that working on my ability to be with myself helps me to be more authentic in relationship. <3

Second Morning

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Overhaul
Time Commitment: 1 hour

Do you ever have particularly stressful mornings that set your entire day up for disaster?  I do!  It's super distressing because morning is my favorite part of the day!  By no means is this selfcare tool only for morning people though--just ask my roomie!  "Second Morning" is about giving yourself a second chance to have a good day.

Procedure:  When work, a relationship, or life in general is stressing you out or taking every ounce of your energy all before noon, the rest of your day could look rather bleak.  When you notice this negative inner prediction arise--hold it!!  Recognize and acknowledge that this is a moment of choice!  Choose to have a Second Morning; a re-do, if I may.  Notice the stressors from your conventional first morning and let them go.  They already happened, so they don't need to affect your current mood in this new moment in time.  The stressors may take further deliberation, yes, but do not hold on to those spinning negative thoughts and feelings. You have a choice!  Restart the coffee pot (I usually switch to decaf at this point...).  Inhale that comforting aroma.  Take a little walk with your coffee: around the office, down the street, around your house.  Feel your footsteps on the ground.  Reconnect with your body.  Continue your day.

Believe in your Second Morning.  Have faith in this fresh start and it may surprise you with how well it works!

Why this is wonderful:  First, it uses multiple senses.  Engaging these senses allows you to reconnect with your body and bring your energy back inside, instead of spilling it all around you.  Second, this highlights an element of choice that we have in our lives.  You are not doomed to have a "bad day."  Rejoice! :)

**Thanks Twinkle Lights facebook page for the pictures I used in this post.  Good stuff! <3

Yardwork/Gardening

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Overhaul
Time Commitment: 1 hour increments; ongoing

Relaxing- a mysterious phenomenon people may accomplish during that elusive construct known as "free time"

So, one goal I have for this summer is to learn how to "relax."  It really is as mind-boggling as the definition I have written above.  I have 18 consecutive years of education under my belt as of now.  I am good at school.  Now, I want to be good at relaxing!  I need it!

In the past couple of weeks, I have found working in my yard to be intrinsically rewarding and, quite possibly, relaxing. 

A bit of background about my yard:

It is shared by 6 people who live in the house.  It has been a site for storage and/or accumulated junk from people that have lived there in the past: car doors, bathtub, tires, etc. Six people are renting the house, but rarely does anyone want to put their time, money, or energy into the yard since we don't own it.  I have decided (maybe because I enjoy Better Homes and Gardens waaayy too much) that I want to adopt the yard and make it an enjoyable place to hang out.

Procedure: Get to know the area you're working with first.  I sit in the yard a lot and look at it.  I enjoy the breeze, the occasional sunshine streaming through the leaves, and the odd, wooden, bobbin-like piece of furniture we use for a table (see picture).  I spend time with the yard, building a relationship around my belief in its potential.
Next, begin a 3-phase process with small, measurable (and achievable) steps within each phase that will foster your own success. This part was very helpful for me to organize my thoughts; it's easy for me to get overwhelmed by looking at the big picture too quickly.  The three phases are: Break-down, Rebuild, and Polish. Break-down, for me, consists of getting rid of items in the yard, weeding, pruning, and getting the lawn mowed so I can see what I'm working with.  Rebuild consists of delineating where flower beds will go and blocking areas off, then repairing the lawn by planting grass seed.  Polish is the fun part because it's when I get to plant things in the flower beds and add nice things to lawn (patio chairs, etc.).  It's good to remember that that phases do not always go in perfect order and each can be repeated as needed.  The phases provided a structure to motivate action, and are definitely not rigid.

Throughout the process, I am striving to be cost-effective, not only because it's smart, but because it's really my only option! :)  I am utilizing friends and craigslist.  I have borrowed yardwork equipment from friends, and have received plants from friends' gardens.  I have been selling the random stuff out of the yard on craigslist.  I have also been scouring craigslist's "free" section as well as their "farm and garden" section.  Additionally, I answered a lawn-mowing advertisement on craigslist and had the lawn mowed for $20, AND I got valuable advice from him on my next steps with the yard as well as things to be weary of.

Wow, that's a lot of words for today!
Let's get on to why this is wonderful!

Why this is wonderful: It attends mainly to movement and sight. 
I feel really good when I'm working in the yard.  Raking, weeding...bending, stretching, reaching.  The work is great for my body.  My muscles feel it afterward and I didn't have to go to the gym.  Also, this movement is good for re-discovering that connection between my mind and body.  Refreshing.  As for sight, the space becomes much more welcoming and comforting when you can see the care put into it.  It's incredibly rewarding for me to see the tremendous amount of progress I have made in a short time. Yes, some things take more time (like grass growing...), with delayed sight-gratification, but that is great too!  Gardening and yardwork are amazing practice for cultivating patience. And one could never have enough patience....

Fiction!

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Pick Me Up
Time Commitment: 45 min.+ increments

Summer break is here--yippee!  You know what that always seems to mean to me? Reading for fun! During the semesters, it's almost unheard of to dip into an engrossing book of fiction even once, due to the large amount of required reading from textbooks and articles I have to do for my classes.  But, now,  <sigh> it's time for fiction.

Procedure:  Oddly enough, it all starts with a book!  Choose one from that dusty stack on your desk that's been waiting months for you to give it some attention.  OR borrow a good one from a friend.  That's my favorite, because then you have someone to talk with about the book during suspenseful parts!  OR check out your public library, those are always fun to explore, and librarians are usually pretty good at helping you find a book that you will enjoy (it is their job!).  OR hit up your local used book stores or thrift shops.  I always find hidden treasures for cheap in those places.

When choosing a book for selfcare, I recommend going for a topic that is not directly relatable to your current situation in life.  For example, I am not going to choose books about student life.  I'm trying to let that subject rest a little in my brain--remember, it's my summer break! Science fiction is something I really enjoy reading for selfcare.
Next, find a comfortable, welcoming place for the reading to take place.  I like to read in the morning, coffee in hand, sitting in a chair in the yard, soaking up sunshine.  Or, snuggled up on the couch, with a super soft blanket, and a kitty curled up on my lap.  Do what works for you--be mindful of each thing contributing to your comfort.  Notice what you're doing.

Lastly, keep your mind open while you're reading.  Open for learning.  I feel like I learn the most about life, culture, relationships, etc. when I am reading science fiction. Just because we are reading fiction, doesn't mean we can't learn from it.  It's all about metaphors. :D

Why this is wonderful:  It attends to your BRAIN!  Reading fiction allows one to escape their current reality for a bit and gain a different perspective on their life at the same time.  Not to mention reading, in general, is good for increasing your vocabulary whilst giving you interesting things to talk about with people.  Success!

*Note: first book pictured (A Separate Reality by Carlos Castaneda) is actually deemed non-fiction.  I included it because it reads like fiction :) 

Know your selfcare--Know your SELF!

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Preparatory Measures
Time Commitment: ~5 min.


Let's think a moment about our current selfcare strategies (like I ever stop thinking about them!).  For example, when you come home from a long day's work, or when you are stressed about a conversation you had with a loved one, what do you do?  Sometimes there is a favorite TV show or a bubble bath in order.  Or a nap.  Or writing in a journal.  Or eating delicious food.  In this post, I want you to notice what you do, and what it does for YOU!


Procedure:  This technique, similar to the Venus Flytrap post, is an ongoing process that invites awareness.  I will give examples, then you can start identifying your own.

Sometimes when I'm stressed I ________ for Selfcare:

*Watch a movie.

      What is my intention?

           1. Bring my spirits up, meanwhile gaining space from and perspective on the stressor
                   OR
           2. Zone out and avoid the stressor
In this example, both intentions are possible at different times, with different stressors.  Neither is the "right" answer.  Just notice what the intention is and do not judge it.  Use awareness (again, not judgment) around using intention #2 too much, because it may actually be increasing your stress levels when used all the time.

*Take a nap.
      What is my intention?
           1. Get some rest so I can start anew.
                   OR
           2. Block the feelings the stress is creating.
As with the last example, both intentions are completely valid, and I definitely take naps for both reasons.  This exercise is about awareness though.  Within myself, I notice when I use intention #2 often, I get kind of zombie-like and disconnected from the world.  And sometimes, I just get sad!  Having an intention to "block the feelings" does not always mean feelings are successfully blocked.

*Clean my house.
       What is my intention?
           1. Create space and organization, so I can face my stressors.
                  OR
           2. Procrastinate from facing my stressors by being way more detail-oriented than usual.
You might be noticing a trend in these examples and intentions.  All of these are authentic examples from my everyday life.  I like to take note of my intentions because they can really affect the quality of stress relief I gain from my selfcare methods.  And it's good to know!

Why this is wonderful:  This is another post that is helpful for cultivating awareness.  Awareness is key for quality selfcare!  Something that works for someone else, may not always work in the same way for you.  Know your selfcare and know your SELF :)

Venus Flytrap- for pesky automatic thoughts

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Pick Me Up
Time Commitment: varies, can be done while multi-tasking

So I have been dealing with the most unspeakable of all emotions lately--ANGER! Grr!  Usually when I am angry, I suppress it.  Not healthy!  Suppressing anger just pushes me to EXPLODE at things that might seem insignificant to most--but it's the darn straw that broke the camel's back.  But, as I said-- Not healthy!  Recently, I have been experimenting with not suppressing my anger.  I have been looking in its face and examining it.  I have discovered that part of my own anger is cultivated by my own negative automatic thoughts.  Hence, this wonderful blog post.


Procedure:  This technique is an ongoing process.  You will start with a "baby" mental Venus Flytrap, and eventually it will grow to a large and powerful Venus Flytrap that few negative automatic thoughts will get past.  I will instruct you as to how to get this baby growin!  First, notice when you are feeling an angry (or sad) emotion.  Anger and sadness are actually closely related; usually there is some sadness buried under anger.  Anyway, notice the emotion and acknowledge it.  Think or say aloud (very specifically): I am angry (or sad). This may sound super simple, but it isn't all the time.  Many times, I do not like to admit that I have emotions, that maybe admitting them would make me weak. Ultimately, everyone has a full range of emotions.  They just do.  And acknowledging them helps one to understand them, instead of just acting crazy without knowing why. :)  Ok, next, sit with that emotion.  Sitting with the emotion involves noticing what thoughts and memories automatically pop up when acknowledging the emotion.  Some of my negative (not all the thoughts that pop up are negative) automatic thoughts when I am angry are: I am overreacting.  I shouldn't care. I'm being stupid. Rarararara, and so on and so on.  There are tons of these thoughts.  With noticing these, you are exercising your Venus Flytrap and catch these thoughts.  Catching the thoughts allows you to see the choice in accepting them as truth (and defining yourself with that thought...) or reevaluating the situation.  For example: I am overreacting.  Ask, "Well, am I overreacting??"  Usually I find that actually my anger is valid, my feelings were hurt in this way or that, or the situation on the surface tapped into a deeper pattern of situations, and it is okay for me to be angry.


Why this is wonderful: Well, this is an internal process and actually doesn't involve external senses.  BUT, it is fantastic because you are cultivating AWARENESS.  And creating a new mental friend at the same time :)  Allies within ourselves can be hard to come by at times, what with all of our self-consciousness and self-judgment--this little friend supports us in our sanity by giving perspective and compassion to those critical pieces of ourselves, which, in turn, helps us keep it together! (This is a good thing...)