Date night- with yourself!

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Pick Me Up/Overhaul
Time Commitment: a few hours to 1 evening

I was planning to write a magnificent post about finding empowerment in taking yourself out to do things--being your own date.  I find it refreshing to be able to take myself to lunch, only bringing a book along if needed.  Or, I like to carry a sketchbook to a coffee shop and be in my world, not worrying about everyone else.  Or, many other things that get me out of the house.

I said I was planning because I am not going to go into detail about this, instead I recommend that you watch the following clip from youtube (about 5 min long).  My roommate, Hannah Brann, showed this clip to me and it's truly magical.  It says everything I wanted to write, so please, enjoy (and share)!

<link to video, in case the above won't play>

Why this is wonderful:  This encourages you to cultivate the relationship you have with yourself.  It allows you to sit with possible uncomfortable, awkward feelings, and realize those feelings are okay and entirely human.  The video holds such a gentleness around the importance of being alone sometimes.  It certainly doesn't negate the importance of relationships.  In my own experience, I believe that working on my ability to be with myself helps me to be more authentic in relationship. <3

Second Morning

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Overhaul
Time Commitment: 1 hour

Do you ever have particularly stressful mornings that set your entire day up for disaster?  I do!  It's super distressing because morning is my favorite part of the day!  By no means is this selfcare tool only for morning people though--just ask my roomie!  "Second Morning" is about giving yourself a second chance to have a good day.

Procedure:  When work, a relationship, or life in general is stressing you out or taking every ounce of your energy all before noon, the rest of your day could look rather bleak.  When you notice this negative inner prediction arise--hold it!!  Recognize and acknowledge that this is a moment of choice!  Choose to have a Second Morning; a re-do, if I may.  Notice the stressors from your conventional first morning and let them go.  They already happened, so they don't need to affect your current mood in this new moment in time.  The stressors may take further deliberation, yes, but do not hold on to those spinning negative thoughts and feelings. You have a choice!  Restart the coffee pot (I usually switch to decaf at this point...).  Inhale that comforting aroma.  Take a little walk with your coffee: around the office, down the street, around your house.  Feel your footsteps on the ground.  Reconnect with your body.  Continue your day.

Believe in your Second Morning.  Have faith in this fresh start and it may surprise you with how well it works!

Why this is wonderful:  First, it uses multiple senses.  Engaging these senses allows you to reconnect with your body and bring your energy back inside, instead of spilling it all around you.  Second, this highlights an element of choice that we have in our lives.  You are not doomed to have a "bad day."  Rejoice! :)

**Thanks Twinkle Lights facebook page for the pictures I used in this post.  Good stuff! <3

Yardwork/Gardening

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Overhaul
Time Commitment: 1 hour increments; ongoing

Relaxing- a mysterious phenomenon people may accomplish during that elusive construct known as "free time"

So, one goal I have for this summer is to learn how to "relax."  It really is as mind-boggling as the definition I have written above.  I have 18 consecutive years of education under my belt as of now.  I am good at school.  Now, I want to be good at relaxing!  I need it!

In the past couple of weeks, I have found working in my yard to be intrinsically rewarding and, quite possibly, relaxing. 

A bit of background about my yard:

It is shared by 6 people who live in the house.  It has been a site for storage and/or accumulated junk from people that have lived there in the past: car doors, bathtub, tires, etc. Six people are renting the house, but rarely does anyone want to put their time, money, or energy into the yard since we don't own it.  I have decided (maybe because I enjoy Better Homes and Gardens waaayy too much) that I want to adopt the yard and make it an enjoyable place to hang out.

Procedure: Get to know the area you're working with first.  I sit in the yard a lot and look at it.  I enjoy the breeze, the occasional sunshine streaming through the leaves, and the odd, wooden, bobbin-like piece of furniture we use for a table (see picture).  I spend time with the yard, building a relationship around my belief in its potential.
Next, begin a 3-phase process with small, measurable (and achievable) steps within each phase that will foster your own success. This part was very helpful for me to organize my thoughts; it's easy for me to get overwhelmed by looking at the big picture too quickly.  The three phases are: Break-down, Rebuild, and Polish. Break-down, for me, consists of getting rid of items in the yard, weeding, pruning, and getting the lawn mowed so I can see what I'm working with.  Rebuild consists of delineating where flower beds will go and blocking areas off, then repairing the lawn by planting grass seed.  Polish is the fun part because it's when I get to plant things in the flower beds and add nice things to lawn (patio chairs, etc.).  It's good to remember that that phases do not always go in perfect order and each can be repeated as needed.  The phases provided a structure to motivate action, and are definitely not rigid.

Throughout the process, I am striving to be cost-effective, not only because it's smart, but because it's really my only option! :)  I am utilizing friends and craigslist.  I have borrowed yardwork equipment from friends, and have received plants from friends' gardens.  I have been selling the random stuff out of the yard on craigslist.  I have also been scouring craigslist's "free" section as well as their "farm and garden" section.  Additionally, I answered a lawn-mowing advertisement on craigslist and had the lawn mowed for $20, AND I got valuable advice from him on my next steps with the yard as well as things to be weary of.

Wow, that's a lot of words for today!
Let's get on to why this is wonderful!

Why this is wonderful: It attends mainly to movement and sight. 
I feel really good when I'm working in the yard.  Raking, weeding...bending, stretching, reaching.  The work is great for my body.  My muscles feel it afterward and I didn't have to go to the gym.  Also, this movement is good for re-discovering that connection between my mind and body.  Refreshing.  As for sight, the space becomes much more welcoming and comforting when you can see the care put into it.  It's incredibly rewarding for me to see the tremendous amount of progress I have made in a short time. Yes, some things take more time (like grass growing...), with delayed sight-gratification, but that is great too!  Gardening and yardwork are amazing practice for cultivating patience. And one could never have enough patience....

Write it down-with art this time!

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Overhaul
Time Commitment: 45 min. (or more if you wish)


Hey there friends!  It's time for me to resurface to write another post.  No, I have not forgotten about you.  You are always on my mind :) With school and life and everything in between, this Selfcare Fairy got a little bogged down!  I admit it. That doesn't mean the selfcare stopped flowing though--don't worry about that!  I am back to let you in on some of my Selfcare Adventures from the past month.
The current post is about a project I actually started in the summer, forgot about, then came back to me recently.    This "Overhaul" option is an altered book that has become my visual diary for the things in my life that I simply don't have enough understanding around in order to write about them in words.

Procedure: Start with an old hardback book, preferably one you are not attached to.  Snag one at a thrift store for under a dollar.  Skim through a few pages of the book (anywhere in the book, not necessarily the beginning) and find a phrase that speaks to your mood in the moment.  Most likely the phrase will be completely out of context for the book, and that's the point, you're making your own story in this book.  You may block out the phrase(s) on the page with acrylic paint or collage materials.  I have been using collage materials a lot lately.  (I may or may not have been conned on the phone into subscribing to 9 magazines...) 

It is important to let your automatic reactions guide you--don't think too much.  Pick the phrase, paint color, collage image that jumps out at you first.  Don't overthink.  If you think you're messing up this page, who cares? There are a million other pages in the book.  That's the beauty of this project.  Do what you want to the page.  When you finish painting/collaging, does the page feel done?  Maybe you need to grab a sharpie and write extra words or draw your own pictures.  Maybe you need to rip the page and sew it back together.  Oh the possibilities!  You are done with the page when it feels done.  This may take more than one session, and that's ok!  This project is meant to accompany you for awhile in your life; it will not be done in one sitting.  After you work on your page(s), sit with it.  Reflect on it.  Are there any relevant metaphors popping out to you ("this image means this to me")?  What does it mean to you in the moment?  It can mean anything you want, it's your project, it's your visual diary.  Look back at it the next day, week, month.  Maybe it will mean something different.  You might learn something new about yourself.


Why this is wonderful: It attends to 1 major sense: sight.  This project serves as a way of externalizing confusing parts inside ourselves so we can look at them and examine them.  Using our automatic reactions to dictate the page, we help unconscious material to surface, eventually fostering a deeper understanding of ourselves. Yeah!

Write it down...

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Overhaul
Time Commitment: 30 min (or more if you wish)


Ok folks!  Things have really been kicking up in school and life for me lately, and I have found myself needing many more "Overhaul" options.  As I have mentioned before, there is no single Selfcare technique that magically fixes all stress, so I am constantly hunting for more.  This is an old, simple technique, but it is one that I don't use often enough.  Probably because it is hard to be honest with myself without being harsh.  This takes practice and awareness to give this technique a chance to work magic.


Procedure:  Nope, don't start the music.  This is one case where music can be distracting to what you need to get out of your system.  Grab a pen and your journal, or an old notebook that can serve as one.  Write the date and let your thoughts flow onto the page.  It does not matter what shape the sentences come out in, you are not trying to impress anyone.  The purpose of this is to let thoughts and feelings out, without having to drag another person into the drama (although that is good to do sometimes).  Doodle if you feel the need to doodle.  Address the feelings that are coming up in you, and your bodily responses.  Is your body tight?  Does it feel heavy?  Is your stomach churning?  These are important things to be aware of.  Stress and emotion manifest in your body, pay attention.  Most importantly, be honest with yourself.  But, be careful.  Honesty does not mean: "Wow, I am such a jerk and a horrible person."  It means, "I feel like a jerk right now" and realizing that the feeling does not define your being.  And if you feel like it does define your whole being, be honest about that.  Use awareness.  It's OK to have thoughts, even ones you wish you did not have.  Write what you need to.  Your second guesses, your "crazy thoughts," your hopes, and worries.  Every situation had multiple facets.  It's OK to be excited about something, but also worried or anxious.  Be true to yourself, and be gentle with yourself, and this simple technique could work wonders!


Why this is wonderful: It attends to 1 sense: sight.  This technique might not be pretty all the time, but seeing the words on paper is SO validating.  It makes you feel less crazy for having all these random, conflicting thoughts floating around.  And, it really helps cultivate the relationship you have with yourself!  You can be upset with yourself and still love yourself.  It's good to have open communication with yourself. (OK, I just used the word "yourself" a million times, but I'm leaving it).  This open communication might just help you in your other relationships as well!

Organize- in small doses

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Overhaul
Time Commitment: 30 min to 1 hr


Organizing in small doses.  Notice I did not say "clean."  Sometimes I have an aversion to the action of "cleaning," but calling it "organizing" turns it into a likable, rejuvenating experience.  In the end, my mind actually feels more organized and ready to take on the world! (or another pile of homework...)  Check out this interesting little article to understand what I mean: Home Relaxation: Why it Pays to Organize Your Home


Procedure: Turn on a chill, but invigorating album to listen to (optional, but I maintain that music makes almost all experience better!).  I was listening to Blonde Redhead's album "23."  Always good stuff.  Then, light a scented candle.  The candle seems to make the organizing experience more intimate and nourishing.  My current candle of choice is Pumpkin Spice scented, because I am a fanatic for fall!  After the music and candle are in place, now you can begin the organization!  I specified "small doses" because my house can get pretty messy during the semester and I will get overwhelmed and discouraged if I focus on the whole thing at once.  My focus generally revolves around laundry or dishes, although sometimes it might be about de-cluttering certain areas.  Today, I tackled the laundry.  I separated the clean from the dirty, and threw the dirty into the wash.  I put away the random shoes and art supplies that were originally hiding under the clothing on my floor.  I made my bed.  Then, I folded the 2 loads of clean laundry from last week, placing them in little piles on my bed, and put them away.  It's so nice to see large portions of floor in my bedroom!  Rejuvenation achieved!


Why this is wonderful:  It attends to 4 senses: sight, sound, smell, and movement.  The sound and smell aspects make the experience seem more like fun instead of work.   The sight element is really helpful reinforcement when you finish your small dose of organization; you can see your productivity, which is always helpful for me.  The movement part is the most important, and you may not have even realized it!  Being on your feet and walking from room to room or even closet to dresser gets your blood flowing.  It wakes you up and makes you more alert.  So, as your space becomes conducive to work, your mind does, too!

Dancing- shake it offffff

Selfcare Emergency Meter: Overhaul
Time Commitment: 1 evening


I love to dance.  Really.  When I go out dancing, it really is for an overhaul.  I NEEEED it.  My life has been so stressful in unpredictable ways that I schedule a night to go dancing once a week, and I notice a huge difference in my abilities to cope if I skip one of these nights.  When I dance, I stop thinking with my brain and start to connect with my body.  I tend to get lost in my brain and logical thought patterns throughout the week.  It's as if my brain is just floating along and my body is no longer important.  Dancing allows me to let go, to trust and appreciate this mass of bone and muscle that hauls me from work to class to work all the time.
Even my nephew loves to dance <Dec 2010>:  (pay no attention to the creepy laughter in the background...lol)

Procedure: If you are not one to go out dancing, I highly recommend dancing around your house to music of your choice for an extended period of time.  It may not accomplish as much as a night out might, but it will accomplish something, and that counts.  Now I will focus on going out dancing for the night.  Preparation at home is almost as important as the going out part.  I turn on the upbeat tunes, and allow myself plenty of time for my makeup, hair, and clothing.  I am an artist, so I love to experiment, and reinvent my style depending on what mood I'm in.  Although you may not consider yourself an artist, I recommend using awareness in the preparation part.  Makeup, hair, and clothing can be forms of armor.  They can prepare and protect you for the night.  But, keep in mind to do only as much as you can be confident and comfortable with.  Rock your style!! If you are uncomfortable with your look, you are vulnerable.  I don't want you to be super susceptible to stress or criticism when the night is for shaking all of that off! :)  When you meet up with friends at a dancing venue, take your time.  Let the music pull you out of your seat.  Forced dancing is not fun, and adds stress.  I just recommend if you don't normally dance, to get up if you like a song, and try!!  Sometimes I close my eyes when I dance and just let my body follow the beat.  I have to trust my body.  You have to trust your body.  Let gooooooo...  Just try.  And drink plenty of water.
This video should pump you up:

Why this is wonderful: It attends to 2 senses: sound and movement (movement is explained in my "Music" post).  This technique has the potential to disconnect you from your critical thinking mind, which can be such a welcome release after a long week!  I have also found this to be a crucial way of expelling stress from the body, literally shaking it out. I have found that my body stores stress in my shoulders and back.  These areas get tight throughout the week and it is so difficult to relax them.  Dancing gets my muscles moving.  I move my arms, hips, legs, torso; I turn and bend; I let the music move me and I feel exceptionally better afterwards.  Also, on a more physiological side: dancing is a work-out.  This not only allowing you to burn calories easily, but gets your endorphins pumping which results in a happier mood! Whoa!